The point when you can’t even fit into your “fat clothes” or you don’t recognize yourself in a picture.
The point where you are sick and tired of being sick and tired and can’t bear to go another day without making a change.
For some of us, this takes trying and failing at every diet out there. For me, that’s exactly what happened. I got to a point where I thought nothing has worked so this is just how I’m meant to be. I wasn’t confident or comfortable, but nothing was going to change, so I had to accept it. I have even been told by friends and loved ones that I should just accept myself as I was and be happy. But I wasn’t. Who were they to just tell me to just stay as I was and not change? I’ve even been given the line, “We live in the South, our food is too good to be on a diet”. My grandma has even said to me “We’re all fat, this is just your genetics, stop making yourself miserable”. I wish I was kidding.
All my years of struggling with my weight, it never really “clicked” until I saw the Picture. I think a lot of us experience mirror haze, whether it be for the worst or better. I knew I was overweight, but I never thought I was AS big as I looked in this picture. My mom had a 70’s themed party for her 50th birthday. All my cousins rent or bought cute costumes to wear. I went to the Party store and figured the Men’s size Large bell bottom costume pants would fit, and I could wear a shirt I already had. Bought some costume glasses and a headband and would make do with that. I got home and the men’s large STRETCHY pants would not go over my hips. Must be a defect. I returned them and wore my own jeans. We all had a blast. My cousin posted pictures the following Monday. I didn’t expect to be in any of them because at this point I had stopped posing for pictures. I had just gotten engaged the July before and I was topping out at my highest weight. I never thought I’d post this here, but I weighed 204 pounds. (Shout out to my now-husband for putting a ring on my chubby finger anyway!) I had just had a failed attempt at trying Ideal Protein with a friend after getting engaged. I was miserable the whole time so I quit, like every other diet I had tried. I came to terms with the fact that I wouldn’t feel beautiful on my wedding day. Looking back, I see how sad that is. Anyway, back to the picture. The minute I laid my eyes on it, I was horrified. Did I really look this bad? Was it a bad angle? Surely it was a bad angle. I immediately untagged myself and shuffled through the rest to make sure I wasn’t in any others. I blew it off for a few minutes but kept going back to that picture. Keep in mind, the whole 70’s party thing, I normally don’t dress like this in real life…
I remember looking in the mirror and thinking those jeans made me look thin. Really?
Earlier this week, I hit the 20 pound mark(keep in mind I haven't really been serious about weightloss till July or so), so I thought I’d do a post about my journey thusfar. Looking through countless pictures and not finding a “before”, I remembered the 70’s party picture. I found it and realized it has been exactly a year since this picture was taken. To the day. It wasn’t until I compared my 20 lbs lost picture to the 70’s party picture that I realized what a transformation I have made. I am by no means “done”, but I feel so proud. I could’ve easily, easily gained 20 pounds in a year. While I could’ve lost more, I know slow and steady wins the race. I’d still like to lose another 35-40, but I am so content right now with the rate of my progress. I know my body can do things now that it couldn’t have done 20 pounds ago. The first time I tried to run, I barely lasted 40 seconds. Now, I can run 2 miles without stopping. One day, I’ll run 13 miles. One day, I’ll lose 20 more pounds. And I’ll have done it without the help of any diet. Just eating healthy and staying active. I also could not do it without the support of all you wonderful readers who leave me nothing but love all the time. I think about you often during my hard runs. When I want to quit, I can’t. I have to keep going. It’s the same with this journey. I can’t stop until I’m healthy. It feels good to know I’m well on my way.
A few comparisons:
The picture on the left was the day I got engaged. My face was so full here, I barely recognize myself. The picture on the right was taken two weeks ago.
October 16th, 2011 (L) October 17th, 2012 (R) Who looks happier?